hmm.
i think there are many times when i want to do something for someone but i never got through doing it.
never mind the reason why i didn't accomplished doing it.
the fact that i didn't accomplished it makes me feel like a failure.
same theory with i want to help someone, but i didn't helped in the end, despite i tried or not.
i'm not someone who is able to say comforting words..coz basically i dunno what they are nor do i really know whether they helped a not.
i'm a practical person.
if problems arise, my next thought is to find the solution or if not, look for alternatives.
i don't really believe in wallowing in depression.
no doubt, i'll be troubled and frustrated.
but i'll always look ahead and plan for the next step.
that's why i think if ppl are looking for comfort when they are down, they shouldn't come to me.
i dunno how to cheer them up.
if they are looking for a listening ear, come to me.
i'm most willing to lend a ear, and of coz, my shoulder if they need it.
i dunno why i'm saying all these out of the sudden.
but, it's juz something that is on my mind.
i want to know if i'm a good friend.
and how to be a better friend.
it's easy to say i'll be there for you if you need me.
but have i really done that?
does being a good friend juz consist of meeting up with one another when we have the time, organising gatherings and catching up once in a while?
isn't it supposed to be more constant?
i dunno how well i know my friends.
or do i even know them in the 1st place?
hmm.
friendship is such a weird thing.
you know, it so easy to say let's be friends forever! or let's keep in contact!
but how many of us really do it?
most of them are juz a passing figure of that short phase in your life.
and some, though you may keep in contact, with every gathering there's lesser and lesser things to say or if not, the same conversation over and over again.
to a certain extent that i have half a heart to skip gatherings coz i dislike being in the awkward silence when we run outta things to say.
the older we grow, the better we hide our feelings and or thoughts.
that's why friendship is so hard to maintain.
coz we can't be true to the ppl around us.
we put on our mask and hide behind it.
so are most friendships a facade?
sigh.
i dunno i dunno i dunno.
i guessing i'm saying all these coz i have been trying to organise gatherings.
but i dunno what to say when i meet the ppl.
maybe coz i'm the one with the largest mask, so i can't really connect with the rest.
yet i feel the need to see the ppl.
to smile and laugh and listen to their conversation.
hmm.
somehow this post feels awfully familiar.
did i say something similar in the past?
i think i did.
guess what?
i never changed.
